My Bloggernacle Honeymoon is Over

My bloggernacle honeymoon is over, and I find myself wondering if I have made the right choice in participating here. But just because the honeymoon is over, it does not necessarily mean I want a divorce. But I find myself evaluating the choice that I made.

I do not think I am feeling sorry for myself, and I am not using this to fish for any flattery or compliments. I am simply wanting to asses the value of this experience overall. There have been a few individuals express a similar feeling in recent days which has caused me to think about this even more. I imagine this happens quite often on the bloggernacle, with new 'converts' considering going 'inactive' after only a few weeks or months. I hope this does not cause to many to roll there eyes saying 'not again'. Judging by the mammoth amount of comments my posts usually generate I imagine the sound of crickets in the distance being the most likely result. Again I don't think I am feeling sorry for myself, just evaluating.

I first sought out 'mormon doctrine discussion' on a yahoo search, and after sorting through a lot of anti stuff came across the New Cool Thang. I did this search because I was bored with the church curriculum, the Ensign, and most conference talks. I did not disagree with anything I heard, I just wanted to think a little more deeply about the gospel than I was. Reading some of GeoffJ's stuff really got me excited. This lead me to the MA. I found out that a friend of mine in my home ward cruised the bloggernacle as 'The Narrator' and had a blog called Traveling Shoes. He showed me how easy it was to start your own blog on blogger.com. I made a few posts and requested to be included on the MA. To my great surprise I was accepted. That day was one of the most exciting days I have had for years. I really thought I had made it! It makes me chuckle a little thinking about it.

In comparison to most of the members in my home ward I thought of myself as a bit of a liberal loose cannon, and I looked forward to a more open discussion of doctrinal topics. Imagine my surprise when after a while I found that compared with many on the bloggernacle I am a very strict, conservative, by-the-book guy. Instead of making wild speculative posts, I found myself making safe, simple, feel-good posts. Probably a little like a poorly written Ensign article. Or maybe more likely the New Era or Children's Friend :). Perhaps every bit as boring as what I thought I was trying to get away from.

I feel that I have benefited from my involvement here. This experience has turned me to the scriptures, and prayer, and thought more than I had in the past. But often in an indirect way. At times it was to counteract the posts and comments I came across, not inspired by them. Often my testimony was strengthened because of what I viewed as obvious 'wrongs' expressed on the bloggernacle that I felt I knew were 'wrong'. I sometimes like reading anti-Mormon stuff because it is usually so lame that it strengthens my testimony.

This is not to say that there are not positive and valuable posts and comments here. There have been times when I have been inspired, and uplifted, and improved by what I have read. Unfortunately these times are more rare than I would like. And I wonder if the time spent sorting through the rest is worth it.

I also wonder about the value of my contribution. I feel a little like an island in an archipelago that perhaps doesn't need much of a name. And that my value here could be measured by the amount that the ocean rises when I make a fist and stick it in. And that if I were to close up shop, the level that the water lowers when I remove my fist from the ocean would roughly be how much I would be missed. Again, I am not shedding any tears here, just trying to evaluate the value of my contribution that I esteem as slight. I sometimes flatter myself to think that perhaps the MA needs as many 'true believers' as it can get to provide a balance. But if what members wanted was simple 'true believer' stuff they could get that from the Ensign. Why would they come here? Perhaps for an interactive version? I don't know.

I am seeking inspiration, understanding, enlightenment, self-improvement and ultimately eternal life. I am a true believer in the Church. Would a person like me be better off spending their spare time somewhere else? Is there more value at the bloggernacle than I am giving it credit for? Have I done any good in the cyber-world today? Is there ways to make my experience here more worthwhile?