3/17/2006

Doctrine Regarding Root Beer Floats


The youth and youth leaders in my home ward appear to have chosen root beer floats as the refreshment of choice for their activities. That suits me fine, I love 'em too. I don't expect to have any problems in the spirit world knowing which side is paradise. It is the side with the root beer floats.

There is a problem however with the way that the root beer floats are made. I have been quite surprised that local leaders have not stepped in to rectify the situation. I did a quick search at lsd.org and other sources, and was disappointed that the doctrine of root beer float making has not found its way into authorized sources. Those who are in tune with the spirit, however, will recognize the proper procedure when they consider the options. The proper procedure for root beer float making is as follows:

Pour some root beer into a glass.
Add some ice cream.

Any deviation from the above sequence is not in harmony with the spirit. There is some symbolism to this sequence when we consider the first ordinances of the gospel. Baptism of course is represented by the root beer. The white ice cream symbolizes the holy ghost. If Bruce R. McConkie were alive today, he would probably make other methods of making root beer floats as the eighth heresy.

People who violate the above order (such as putting the ice cream in the cup first, and then the root beer) are on a slippery - or should I say frothy - slope. Well might it be said of them, verily they have their reward. That reward is a life filled mainly with froth and little substance.

Beyond the obvious symbolism previously mentioned there are practical considerations as well. Placing the root beer in the glass first is the only method of reliably controlling the root beer to ice cream ratio. Other methods can lead to disaster.

This may seem like a minor indiscretion, and it is. But if not corrected can lead to other, more serious sins such as having ice cream and cake at a birthday instead of cake and ice cream. Or worse yet, pie.

Please spread this message to all you know. A lifetime of joy can replace a frothy probation for someone you care about. I think I am going to run to the store now. I have a good idea what we are going to have as a treat for family night.

14 Comments:

At 3/18/2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i hate root beer floats.

 
At 3/18/2006, Blogger Eric Nielson said...

I would really like to help, but you haven't given me much to go on. Is it the root beer, the ice cream, or the combination. And what part of the rich, creamy, cool, refreshing, yummy treat do you not like. I find this whole hate thing difficult to believe.

Now, if it is the root beer you have a problem with, I have tried other sodas with very good results. Some of my favorite soda variations include peach, pineapple, orange, ginger ale. I have also tried using sprite/7up equivalents with a flavor of sherbert also with favorable results. Does this help?

It is important to keep in mind that the sequence of oporations must hold for all variations however.

 
At 3/18/2006, Blogger Guy Murray said...

Eric,

I need to know whether "home brewed" (and I don't mean dry ice here) root beer is ecclesiastically acceptable and doctinally consistent with your root beer float epistle.

 
At 3/18/2006, Blogger Eric Nielson said...

Guy:

I don't know what you're talking about.

 
At 3/18/2006, Blogger Guy Murray said...

Eric,

I'm talking about home made brew, and whether you use that in your root beer float concoctions. Apparently not . . .but you might give it a try.

 
At 3/18/2006, Blogger Eric Nielson said...

Guy:

Thanks for the link. I believe it would work fine.

 
At 3/18/2006, Blogger Eric Nielson said...

Additional note:

I was watching the basketball games today and saw an advertisement for coca-cola where they showed their product being used in the place of root beer. I personally have no objections to this, but they had the most important part - the sequence - completely wrong. This just goes to show that we can not get our doctrine from television commercials. I believe that the apparent successful results were done with camera tricks using the same technology NASA used when they faked the Appolo moon landings.

 
At 3/19/2006, Blogger Kaimi said...

Eric writes:

"I did a quick search at lsd.org " . . .

I think that therein lies your problem. I imagine the root beer float recipes available at LSD.org are very . . . trippy.

Try putting your letters in the proper order, and the rest shall follow! :)

 
At 3/19/2006, Blogger Eric Nielson said...

You are an amazing proof reader Kaimi.

 
At 3/20/2006, Blogger Mike said...

I suppose it wouldn't be the first time I subscribed to one of Elder McConkie's heresies.

I have to admit- usually I'm an ice cream first kind of guy.

 
At 3/23/2006, Anonymous Naiah Earhart said...

Forgive me Eric, for I have sinned. It's been about 30 seconds since my last comment...Oh, wait, we're not catholic.

Tonight, when I made myself a tasty treat, I must say, I put the ice cream in first after forgetting and hemming and hawing, and, uh, yeah, froth-o-matic. I don't recommend it. Fill the glass first, people!

 
At 3/24/2006, Blogger sean p. said...

Eric,

I am from the "Ice Cream and Cake" cult. Indeed, I would consider the cake purely optional. I have even enjoyed Ice Cream and Pie!! I hope that you haven't lost complete respect for me.

Sean

 
At 3/29/2006, Blogger Eric Nielson said...

Oh no Sean. Never. Thanks for stopping by.

 
At 8/08/2009, Blogger Nola said...

I'm thinking that you come from a very, very wonderful ward. Our ward and stake have been on a kick where the refreshment of choice is a creamsicle. They are good . . . but definitely NOT in the same category with a rootbeer float . . . ice cream first or last or in between.

 

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