Soul Mates

Naiah wrote a touching description of her marriage on the occasion of their anniversary here. It is well written, and I could never write something like that if for no other reason that a fear of sounding 'sappy'. Reading this got me thinking about my own marriage.

I have what I feel is a very good marriage. Significantly better than what I suspect most marriages are. We understand each other, support each other, accept each other, love each other, yada, yada, yada, we have a good marriage. Hopefully that doesn't sound to sappy. I think I'm going to use sappy a lot today. I'm not certain my marriage is perfect, but what is? For example...

My wife and I were watching TV together a few weeks ago. She was watching some sappy made for TV chick flick (the worst kind) probably on lifetime. And during commercials she would switch it to a basketball game I was interested in probably on ESPN. When we were watching the show on lifetime I would make good natured cracks about how sappy the show was. And when we were watching the game she would make cracks about how meaningless and stupid sports are. This went back and forth for some time. Then my wife looked at me, and I looked at her. Our eyes met and we just stared at each other. Was she fed up? Is she mad? Is she about to say 'I love you', should I kiss her? What? She finally broke the silence by saying rather flatly.

'We aren't exactly soul mates are we'.

She could hardly keep a straight face, and I fell to the ground laughing. Maybe this is something that you have to be there to understand, but with our playful banter preceding this it seemed very funny at the time. Every time I do or say something that I feel might embarrass my wife I picture her saying the same thing again.

Do you have to be 'soul mates' to have a good marriage? Is there even such a thing as soul mates?

Spencer W. Kimball gave a classic talk on marriage which you can read here. It contains this quote on soul mates.

While marriage is difficult, and discordant and frustrated marriages are common, yet real, lasting happiness is possible, and marriage can be, more an exultant ecstasy than the human mind can conceive. This is within the reach of every couple, every person. Soul mates are fiction and an illusion; and while every young man and young woman will seek with all diligence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life can be most compatible and beautiful, yet it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price.

Read more!

The Spirit and Jazz Solos

And now for something completely different.

Once upon a time I was a saxophone player in high school. I did symphony band, pep band, and an early morning jazz band. Jazz band was by far my favorite. I had heard the local high school jazz band as a kid and had longed to be there.

If you're going to play a sax in the jazz band you eventually need to be comfortable doing improvised solos. This can be a little bewildering at first. As a sophomore just starting out I was hesitant and a little lost. It eventually got better.

I never became a real 'student' of music. I didn't memorize all the chord structures, but I know the basic parts of those structures. I would keep in my mind certain notes to play and certain ones not to play, but not a whole lot beyond that. Mostly it came down to having a feel for the music and the instrument, and playing with some confidence. Improvisational Jazz solos became one of my favorite things in life. After a concert we would often have a 'jam session' in the band room, often more impressive than our concert performance. A nice beat, a cool walking bass line, and guys with horns taking turns letting it all out. Not a bad way to celebrate. Many would linger for nearly an hour to listen and participate.

Is there not a type in this thing? Nephi told us he was lead by the spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which he should do. 1 Ne. 4:6

When we are following the spirit is it not in a way improvising? By learning the basics of the gospel, knowing ourselves (the instrument), and living with faith (confidence) we can become good at following the spirit.

Read more!

Creative Quietude (by John Nielson)

"Creative Quietude" in the Doctrine and Covenants

by John D. Nielson

Lao-Tzu, the Chinese Taoist philosopher, taught a principle known as "Creative Quietude" through which one could accomplish great things without appearing to strive excessively for them. In his own words, "The way to do is to be"(Smith 1958, 181-184). Or, if one simply is the right kind of person, and waits calmly, things will almost automatically happen as one desires. An example of the contrast between this way of thinking and our own typical approach is found in the clearing of a body of muddy water. The American Mormon puts in a pump, some pipes, a filtration system, works hard, and actively does something to the water to purify and clean it. The Taoist quietly sits down on the bank and waits patiently for the sediment to settle out by itself.

Section 121, verses 45-46, reads a great deal like creative quietude to me. According to those verses, if we are simply "full of charity towards all men" and "let virtue garnish our thoughts unceasingly" or in Lao-Tzu’s terms, be charitable in our feelings and virtuous in our thoughts then the following things will "automatically" happen:

1) "Then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God;"

2) "The doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon thy soul as the dews from heaven." (Without apparent effort)

3) "The Holy Ghost shall be thy constant companion."

4) "Thy scepter [shall be] an unchanging scepter of righteousness and truth."

5) "Thy dominion shall be an everlasting dominion and without compulsory means it shall flow unto thee forever and ever." (It just happens)

So there are two contrasting ways to approach living the gospel. First, and most common, by earning our reward through effort, striving, struggle, a battle against Satan and our own weaknesses. "Teach me all that I must do to live with you someday." As if one had a list of requirements to be checked off: tithing, word of wisdom, attendance at meetings, working hard in a church calling, doing your home/visiting teaching, doing temple work, raising a large family, for LDS men, magnifying their priesthood, and for LDS women, baking bread and bottling peaches. The mental image one gets of this approach is of a striving, straining, busy, guilt-ridden, working worrier. Even though it is true that we must "work out our salvation," it is wearisome to think of it in that way.

A second approach is like creative quietude in that it comes to you without apparent effort, or worry, and with a great deal of inner calm and peace. It should be clearly understood that creative quietude is not the same as just doing nothing. It consists of quietly creative actions that may go unnoticed because they are mostly inner attitudes, thoughts and feelings. It is a state of being. For Christians it it predicated upon absolute faith in the Savior when he says,

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart [an inner attitude]: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light (Matt. 11:28-29).

The Lord seems to suggest here that we will find living the commandments of God easier, lighter, less burdensome, even restful, after we learn of him and become humble, meek, and lowly in heart. There is an element of creative quietude in the Lord’s approach.

How much more joyful living the gospel would be for most Latter-day Saints if we could only apply the principle of creative quietude! But how can we apply this principle? There are commandments that must be obeyed, meetings that must be attended, callings that must be diligently pursued. Yes, of course, but maybe there is an easier and lighter way.

Most of us have had feelings of weariness in Church service, have talked of burn-out, have wished the Church would just leave us alone for awhile. However, if such feelings are deep and chronic, perhaps we have not fully "come unto Christ" so as to find the burden "easy" as Jesus does, or have not developed far enough spiritually to "glory" in the work as our Father does (Moses 1:39). We become "weary in well-doing"(D&C 64:33) when we try to live like someone we have not yet become. The truly charitable and virtuous person does not grow tired of, nor feel pressured by, nor resent doing acts of charity and virtue because they express his very nature.

Most of us have learned well the truth that being follows action. "If any man will do His will, he shall know of the doctrine, whether it be of God, or whether I speak of myself," said Jesus(John 7:17). Or, "When ye obtain any blessing from God it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated"(D&C 130:21). But few of us have learned that the reverse is also true: Action follows being. If we are able to get our hearts and minds in tune with the Lord of the Universe, so that we are confident in his presence, then right action will flow spontaneously. As we become more charitable and virtuous in our feelings and thoughts then acts of charity and virtue will follow naturally and easily. Much of getting ourselves in tune with God is an inner process of faith, prayer, meditation, pondering the scriptures, a humble responsiveness to the influence of the Holy Ghost, and may be done quietly, calmly, privately, and without apparent effort or outward show of activity. We can even sit down quietly on the shore of a lake to do it. Notice that in D&C 121:45 it does not speak of charitable or virtuous actions but of being full of charity towards all men, an inner attitude or feeling of pure love, and of garnishing our minds with virtuous thoughts, also a quiet inner process. This quietly creative approach to religion is one most of us have not tried yet.

Perhaps if we ever do truly become Christ-like, really do have charitable feelings and virtuous thoughts, then not only will the promised blessings in the Doctrine and Covenants "distil upon our souls as the dews from heaven" and flow unto us "without compulsory means," but we will glory in the work of exaltation, enjoy our opportunities to serve, find the yoke easy and the burden light, not suffer burn-out and will have learned to use the principle of creative quietude--"the way to do is to be."

Reference: Smith, Huston. The Religions of Man. New York: Harper and Row, 1958.

Read more!

My First Guest Blogger: My Dad!

My father has sent me an article he wrote a few years ago that I will be posting in a day or two. Allow me to tell you a little about my dad first.

My father, John Nielson, grew up in a partially active family in southern Utah. Somehow he made it through the ranks of the Aaronic Priesthood and served a mission in Australia. He went to college at BYU, the University of Utah and University of Indiana earning a Master's degree in Geography. He and my mother served in the Peace Corps together and taught school in Tanzania Africa for a few years. His career was spent teaching Geography and a few religion classes at Ricks College. He received grants that allowed him to spend time in Brazil, Pakistan and the Soviet Union as part of his career development. He served for about six years in a bishopric and about nine years in a Stake Presidency. He has served in many other callings, recently as High Priest Group Leader and Gospel Doctrine teacher. He has done quite a bit of writing including the text book that was used for his geography class. He is an avid chess player and occasionally plays in state tournaments. He started a chess club in Rexburg Idaho and wrote a weekly chess column in a local newspaper.

As you will see he can bring an interesting world view to the gospel, and I am very pleased to introduce him to you. I am certain that you will find his article quite interesting, and I look forward to your comments.

Read more!

Big Dumb Guy

You would never guess to look at me, but I am a big dumb guy. Not on the outside, but on the inside. And it is what is on the inside that counts. No, I didn't forget Valentine's Day. Let me give you an example.

About a year ago I had an interview with our Stake President. An EQP PPI thing. He asked about my oldest son who was 12 at the time. I said he was fine. He asked what he was good at. And my mind went blank. The question caught me off guard. This is where the big dumb guy inside started thinking.

I thought of how I would like to say that he is a big strong kid who is doing well at sports. But that wasn't true. My son is a small skinny kid with no interest or aptitude in sports. I thought of how I would like to say that he is a really smart kid and does well at school. But that wasn't true either. He's not terribly smart and really struggles in school. He has to work hard just to get C's. My mind scrambled in this awkward 10 seconds of silence as I tried to come up with something I could say about my son. I put down the big dumb guy inside and really started to think. Not about what I wanted my son to be, but who he was. Then I knew exactly what to say about him.

'He is the most Christ-like person I know', I said. And I meant it.

So many of the characteristics that we attribute to Christ my son has in abundance. The character that great men strive their entire lives to build exists in my boy. He is kind, nice, obedient, eager-to-please, sympathetic, even empathetic, sensitive, charitable, etc., etc. That is what he is good at.

I am grateful for a son who is giving me important things to be proud of. I hope that I can be more aware of his less obvious talents. I hope that I can help him overcome his weaknesses. I hope that he can take his talents, which are somewhat passive in nature, and become an able husband and father himself.

Read more!

Amazing Grace Lyrics

An elderly lady in our ward died last week. My wife was her visiting teacher. My wife sings quite well, and this sister asked if she would sing the song 'Amazing Grace' at her funeral when she died. My wife did this, and did a fine job. In order to get the music and lyrics for this song we had to borrow a protestant hymn book. It made me wonder why this hymn is not in our hymn book.

In 1985 there was new edition of the LDS hymn book. Several songs were added, but not Amazing Grace. Since it is one of the most famous and most beloved Christian hymn in the world, there must have been an obvious reason that this hymn was not added to our hymn book at that time. Unfortunately that obvious reason escapes me at the moment. Any ideas? I wondered if there was anything in the lyrics that makes this hymn doctrinally incorrect. I have included the lyrics in this post below:

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me....
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see.

T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear...
the hour I first believed.

Through many dangers, toils and snares...
we have already come.
T'was Grace that brought us safe thus far...
and Grace will lead us home.

The Lord has promised good to me...
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be...
as long as life endures.

When we've been here a thousand years...
bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise...
then when we've first begun.

"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me....
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see

What is so wrong with these lyrics? I see that it emphasized the grace aspect of salvation. We know that grace is an aspect of salvation (2 Ne 10:24, 2 Ne 25:23). I suspect the reason this hymn was not added to our hymn book is because it symbolizes the idea of salvation by grace alone even though the lyrics don't say that obedience to commandments and ordinances are unnecessary. This hymn gets mocked sometimes, but when it is beautifully sung, like my wife did at the funeral yesterday, it is a wonderful hymn.

Read more!

Should Baptism Requirements be Raised?

In the March 2003 Ensign Gordon B. Hinckley is quoted as saying that the biggest problem that the church faces is rapid growth. This startled me a little bit. With all the possible things that he could have said, I would not have thought rapid growth would be the biggest problem. It seems evident to me that what the church is trying to do is accommodate that growth. Action in the other direction (limiting growth) seems almost unthinkable.

One of the things this has caused me to think about over the last couple of years is if the church should raise the requirements for baptism. There has been talk of raising the bar for missionaries, but apparently not for converts. I served for a couple of years as a ward mission leader in Michigan. From my faulty memory, this is what I remember being the requirements for baptism:

Attend church at least twice.
Have all the missionary discussions.
Pass a simple interview conducted by a missionary.

I believe that is it. If not that is close. The mission president at the time added a requirement that if there was a word of wisdom problem that the investigator had to quit the habit for one week successfully prior to baptism.

There are some members of the church who get upset by seeing people get baptized, show up for a couple of weeks, and then never be seen at church again for whatever reason. Some feel that if there were higher requirements for baptism that this lack of retention would go away. I admit that I had similar feelings during my time as ward mission leader and again as an Elders Quorum President. Part of the reason I felt that way is because I was being held partly accountable for this lack of retention. There may be some in the church that feel bad about the lack of retention because it makes the statistics look bad and makes home teaching less manageable. There are others who feel that for someone to make a covenant as serious as baptism and then not live up to that covenant is worse than not being baptized at all.

One of the problems with the above requirements is that minimum requirements have a nasty way of becoming standard procedure. Let me give one example. The Elders in our ward found an investigator on Thursday who had a smoking problem. They taught him the first discussion but also committed him to stop smoking so that he could be baptized the following Sunday. They taught him the second discussion on Saturday and committed him to be baptized the following Sunday. He came to church on Sunday and that is the first anyone in our ward had ever seen or heard of the guy, and the missionaries announced he was going to be baptized next Sunday. He got the rest of the discussions and was baptized after first being introduced to the church 10 days prior. He had no friends or relatives in the church, and never fully kicked his smoking habit. He slid into inactivity but would show up once in a while. I provided rides to church for him for a while until he started declining the ride. He was a nice man (he died of cancer a few weeks ago). Was he better off for being baptized? I think so.

Is this type of thing a problem? We baptize for anyone that we find a name for in our family history without knowing at all what their level of readiness is, and always chalk that up to a good deed. Why is it different with a live person who agrees to be baptized? Is it because of the personal commitment they are professing to make? Is the only problem the poor retention statistics and the guilt that sometimes comes with it? The Lord said to go into all the world and teach the Gospel to every creature. He also gave some requirement for baptism in scripture:

D&C 20:37 is good, but also look at D&C 20:68-69. There should be sufficient time for understanding. Also the investigator should show some level of godly walk, works and faith.

So, should the requirements for baptism be raised? Should we start having bishops (those that have discernment) do the interviews instead of missionaries? Or are things fine the way they are. I personally would like to see baptism requirement raised a bit for the sake of those making the commitment.

Read more!

Auras: Am I Seeing Things?

I see live people.

This may seem like a strange thing to admit, but confessing to possible psychological problems has not been a problem for me in the past. But there are times when I see what I might describe as an aura around people. This only happens to me a few times in a year, and then only during things like a really good sacrament meeting talk or similar circumstance. This aura appears to me as a soft white glow which outlines a person. Am I a nutcase or am I experiencing some type of spiritual gift? I do not bring this up to boast of any great spirituality. But I have not really heard about things like what I am describing as an aura as being legitimate gifts of the spirit. Am I off base here?

I tried to do a search at lds.com and did not come up with anything very specific. I searched through the usual things (Mormon Doctrine, Gospel Doctrine, Teachings, Discourses, etc.) and did not really come up with anything. Some of the best references I found came from the Book of Mormon Index which referenced a few biblical passages as well.

Mosiah 13:5 says that Abinadi’s face shown with exceeding luster even as Moses’ on mount Sinai.

Helaman 5:36 says that the faces of Nephi and Lehi did shine like the faces of angels.

There is also the language of Matthew 5:16 which says to let your light so shine. Might this at times be a literal thing?

I have also heard of times when the face of Joseph Smith would shine occasionally when he spoke, but do not have a reference for that yet.

Some of the purposes of spiritual gifts are given in D&C 46. Among these are that we may not be deceived. They are not given for a sign but are for the benefit of those who love God and keep His commandments, and those who seek to do. I feel that when I see this aura it lets me know that the spirit is at work with the speaker and with me.

So is seeing an aura about people a spiritual gift or just plain goofy?

Read more!