Mid-Life Crisis

I am going to be turning 40 this year. That is old. I think about this once in a while, and wonder what kind of an affect this will have on me. I am told this is a time when some have a mid-life crisis.


I was asked a few weeks ago by a coworker when I was going to have my mid-life crisis. In one way I took it as a compliment. Perhaps he saw me as someone who appeared to be reasonably happy, and had not seen me depressed for a significant period of time. At least he saw no obvious evidence of a mid-life crisis. The wikipedia defines a mid-life crisis this way:

A mid-life crisis is an emotional state of doubt and anxiety in which a person becomes uncomfortable with the realization that life is halfway over. It commonly involves reflection on what the individual has done with his or her life up to that point, often with feelings that not enough was accomplished. The individuals experiencing such may feel boredom with their lives, jobs, or their partners, and may feel a strong desire to make changes in these areas. The condition is also called the beginning of individuation, a process of self-actualization that continues on to death. The condition is most common ranging from the ages of 35-45, and affects men more often than women.

I really don't feel a mid-life crisis coming on, any more than usual. I am quite prone to self-evaluation, perhaps more than is healthy. When my coworker asked about my mid-life crisis I told him that I already had it. When he asked when, I told him it happened when I was about 15.

As a young boy, I fancied myself to be quite an athlete. When I was about 9 or 10 I was perhaps one of the best athletes for my age in my town. I was a pitcher and shortstop on my little league teams, I was a leading scorer on my basketball teams, and I was the fastest guy on the football team. The idea of being a professional athlete was more of an expectation than a dream in my naive mind.

By the time I was in 9th grade I was no longer one of the best athlete in town. I may have had some quickness and coordination, but not the strength to go with it. I also lacked a fierce aggressive nature. I gave up on football by then - I was only going to get myself hurt. I understood that being really tall was an advantage in basketball, and I wasn't all that tall. Baseball was my last hope.

The day I got cut from the JV baseball team was one of the worst days of my life. It felt so unjust (some would agree, but that is another story). I went home as a failure, and laid on my bed and cried. This was not an angry tantrum. There was much more to it than that. I had grown to see my value as a person in terms of athletic ability. Now the one thing in life that I thought I had some talent in was gone. I not only was not great, I was not even very good. I was without worth. I realized that my life would not be a life of realized dreams, but a life filled with responsibilities and obligations largely spent doing something that was not my first choice. My fragile self-esteem was gone. What on earth would I do? What did it matter?

Kids get cut from school teams all the time. The dream of being a professional athlete is a common one. Was my experience that much different? I don't know. I fell so fast. My dreams were ripped off like a Band-Aid unexpectedly. I was not prepared. But on that day I got cut I knew that life was in many ways going to be dreary and routine. I had no alternative but to accept it. My goals and dreams up to that point were never going to happen, so I better get on with an average life in a practical way.

Maybe I will still have a mid-life crisis one of these days, but the lowered expectations of life from being cut from the team may make the crisis less severe. Any suggestions for what to do during this typically difficult time of turning 40? Perhaps it will be no big deal.

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I Blog, Therefore I Am

I have expressed a few times why I sought out and found the bloggernacle. But ultimately I was not content to be a commenter only. And when I found out how easy it was to start a blog I had to pursue it. I had slightly different reasons to desire to be an author on a blog. In a small way, I think I felt like Alma felt when he wrote the famous verses:

O that I were and angle, and could have the wish of my heart, that I might go forth and speak with the trump of God, with a voice to shake the earth, and cry repentance unto every people! Yea, I would declare unto every soul, as with the voice of thunder, repentance and the plan of redemption, that they should repent and come unto our God, that there might not be more sorrow upon all the face of the earth. (Alma 29:1-2)

You see, I love the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and the church. I really believe this stuff. I believe it leads to peace and happiness in this life, and eternal life in the world to come. And I desire to have a voice in it!

Now, my voice may not be the voice of thunder. Perhaps a little more like an annoying chirp of a cricket. But what voice I have I want to share. My life prior to blogging, and at many times during, is a bit unsatisfying in this area.

It has been nearly three years since I spoke in Sacrament meeting. That may not seem like a big deal to some, but I am an extremely active member of a small ward. There are perhaps 20 active families in this ward. A simple rotation would result in a sacrament talk at least once a year even with figuring in testimony meetings. So I wonder what is going on. Our bishop is a wonderful man, but he does tend to fly by the seat of his pants - so to speak. I suppose he may not keep very good track of things like this. So I don't feel I have much of a voice there lately. I have born my testimony more often, but I feel obligated to keep my testimonies short and basic. I don't want to take advantage of open mike Sunday.

Our Gospel Doctrine teacher is another wonderful man. But I find myself making fewer and fewer comments in his class. He has a way of making the 'material' more important than the discussion - very frequently saying we need to move on. He also has a tendency to look for very specific answers and being dismissive of anything else. It has been weeks since I have made any comments in class. He is always a well prepared teacher, and I am sure many enjoy his lessons, but it is not a prime participation opportunity to me.

I serve currently as the Teachers Quorum advisor. Unfortunately I have had to many times where a well prepared lesson just doesn't fly with the teenage boys. Because of this my preparation and teaching have become very basic. It seems my voice here is not outwardly appreciated much.

So now I have this blog, where I can publish whatever I want. It sometimes makes me feel like I have a voice. It appears that sometimes people like and value what I have to say. Other times it feels like my posts are just an annoying cricket chirping in the midst of a thunder storm.

Chirp.

Or worse yet ignored.

......................


Is my desire to have a voice simply vain? Am I guilty of what Alma says in the next verse:

But behold, I am a man, and do sin in my wish; for I ought to be content with the things which the Lord hath allotted me. (Alma 29:3)

I'm afraid that if I look to participating in the bloggernacle as a way of feeling like I have a meaningful voice, I am headed for frequent disappointment. Posts that appear to go ignored, and comments that seem to be dismissed, might lead to unsatisfying results. Should any of us desire to have a voice in the church/gospel? Is this a righteous desire or a sinful one?

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A Genealogy of my Mothers

I have been one of many who have been blessed with goodly parents. This Mother's Day weekend I have been thinking a little about my mother and her influence on me. I must admit it is a little difficult to break it down into specifics. On one hand I might well say that there is nothing in my life that was not profoundly influenced by my mother. On the other it is difficult to take all of that and specifically point to things which were directly a result of her influence. I hope that makes sense.

Sometimes you hear people say things like, 'my mother always used to say ....' and then some profound thing would follow. What did my mom always used to say to me? She always used to say, 'It has to be somewhere!' when I would be looking for something, which was often. She also used to say, 'If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all'. What did I get from these fairly common statements? Plenty.

'It has to be somewhere', suggests that I needed to look a little harder for the thing myself. One of the characteristics that it appears my siblings and I have in common is a type of self-reliance. We are all pretty independent creatures. We all had jobs of various sorts from our teen-age years on. We are all fairly responsible people now. Even my siblings that went through, and continue to go through, challenging times there is almost always a level of personal responsibility that eventually comes through. We have become a family who takes responsibility for our own lives, our own happiness, and not blamed others or looked for excuses. If we need to 'find' something, especially if it was our fault that it was 'lost', we 'look' for it ourselves. It has to be somewhere, and we can't expect someone else to come to our rescue.

'If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all', is some of the most underrated advice that has ever been given. My mom was not judgmental, nor was she a gossip. She always looked for the good in people, especially in her children. The Mormon creed is 'mind your own business' (did you know that? A future post!). This creed I believe has a similar message to teaching correct principles and allowing people to govern themselves. My mother was a good example of this. I think my siblings and I learned some valuable lessons from my mothers influence in this area. I hope it shows.

I have mentioned a time or two that I have some pioneer heritage. It just so happens that this ancestry goes through the line of my mothers. I would like to someday get enough information to give a couple of paragraphs on each of these women in this chain. For now I will give a simple genealogy of my mothers.

I was raised in the church by my mother, Sharon Louise Pendlebury, born 7/29/1940 in Idaho Falls, Idaho.

She was raised in the church by her mother, Inez Louise Spori, born 10/06/1908 in Rexburg, Idaho.

She was raised in the church by her mother, Martha Ellen Middleton, born 2/22/1889 in Ogden, Utah.

She was raised in the church by her mother, Martha Ellen Fife, born 7/24/1866 in Riverdale, Utah.

She was raised in the church by her mother, Martha Ann Bingham, born 1/29/1850 in Salt Lake City, Utah.

She was raised in the church by her mother, Martha Ann Lewis, born 2/20/1833 in Franklin, Kentucky.

She was married to a man named Sanford Bingham who joined the church in 1833 in Concord Vermont. I have made a post on the life of Sanford Bingham at the Blogger of Jared here.

Anyway, thanks Moms.

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Dead Animal, Belly Up

The vacations of my youth usually consisted of a long ride in a crowded car to destinations that were not exactly glamorous. And spending long hot days in a VW van with black vinyl seats with not much to distract the mind had the effect of driving everyone insane. One particular vacation had us in Butte Montana with the tourist attraction of a copper mine as the goal. I'm not kidding.

The level of insanity was such that for fun we decided to pronounce Butte Montana like Butt Motna. And continue to pronounce the fine city that way to this day. This is what we did on long trips without DVD players in the car.

When we finally got to the copper mine it was closed. Like Wally World was when the Griswalds arrived in the movie 'Vacation'. We all sort of stood there staring at each other wondering what else to do besides pronounce Butte Montana as Butt Motna. Just then a mysterious old lady walked up. The place was closed, there were no cars in the parking lot besides ours, and no other buildings for miles around.. We all mentally asked three questions:

Where did she come from?
Why was she here?
Where is she going?

She walked towards us with the purpose of an individual who has an important message to give, and boy did she have one. Her EXACT words were:

'There is a dead animal, belly up, in the dumpster. Frank says it's a badger. I don't know what it is.'

And with that she went on here way, to somewhere. Over the years I have thought about this message a lot. I would like to provide the following analysis.

There is a dead animal

The descriptive word 'dead' is clear and unambiguous. This animal is not sick or wounded, nor is it asleep. It is dead.

Belly up

No mention of the orientation of the other body parts is given here. The relative positions of the head, limbs and tail are assumed. The belly however is facing up with respect to the ground. The use of the phrase 'belly up' has a literary quality as well. 'Belly up' is commonly used to describe the death of an animal, usually goldfish and the like.

in the dumpster

This phrase is actually quite useful. A near exact location is given. The preposition 'in' is especially precise. The animal is not under, near or around the dumpster, but 'in'. 'In' is short for 'inside'.

Frank

Who the heck is Frank? We're from out of town! We don't know any Frank. But the important thing is that she assumed that we did know Frank. In her 'world' perhaps everyone knows who Frank is, and saying Frank the General Manager of the mine, or Frank the garbage man who empties the dumpster, or Frank the local forest ranger, or Frank my nephew was simply unnecessary in her view.

says it's a badger

'Says' is an interesting word here. It appears that Frank is quite certain. Frank doesn't guess it's a badger, he doesn't think it's a badger, he says it's a badger. And of course the singular article 'a' is helpful. Combined with the above 'animal' it is certain that there is not a couple of badgers, or a group of badgers - no herd of badgers. A solitary beast.

I don't know what is.

There is some doubt apparently. Maybe this Frank doesn't know what he is talking about. Even though he said it was a badger, he could be wrong. This old lady is not necessarily convinced. This last phrase also served as an abrupt end to the announcement. There was a tone of finality to it. This woman was not here to answer questions. This was no press conference, nor was it a social call. She was simply delivering her important message and then going on her way. Wherever that may be.

Our family sort of looked at each other and perhaps inwardly giggled. We did not want to be impolite, but the whole thing was kind of odd. I do not remember if we spoke any words, there was probably no need. We all know there was only one thing to do. Go to the dumpster and have a look for ourselves. We walked to the dumpster and peered in. Sure enough there was a dead badger-like animal that was belly up in the dumpster. The old lady was right, and apparently so was Frank. We looked around and the old lady was nowhere to be seen.

How does this compare to the vacations or your youth?

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Comparing reincarnation to the Plan of Salvation

Geoff has been posting regarding multiple mortal probations (MMP) again. Recently he issued a challenge to find a model that answered certain questions better than his MMP model. This post is my oversimplified response to the challenge. But first I will begin to point out that I believe some of the terms Geoff uses in his descriptions are a bit misleading. I am not sure whether this is intentional or not. This begins with this theory being called multiple mortal probations, when it is really just a modified version of reincarnation. But reincarnation would be to easy to dismiss thus the new name.


Geoff also gives the impression that there was this teaming horde of 19th century apostles who openly and clearly taught reincarnation, presumably as opposed to teaching the plan of salvation. One of the quotes he gives I will duplicate here.

We have come here to become inured to work-to build temples, and improve upon the elements that God has placed around us, that we may become more skillful tomorrow, through the experience of to-day. What I do not to-day, when the sun goes down, I lay down to sleep, which is typical of death; and in the morning I rise and commence my work where I left it yesterday. That course is typical of the probations we take. But suppose that I do not improve my time to-day, I wake up to-morrow and find myself in the rear; and then, if I do not improve upon that day, and again lay down to sleep, on awaking, I find myself still in the rear. This day's work is typical of this probation, and the sleep of every night is typical of death, and rising in the morning is typical of the resurrection. They are days labours, and it is for us to be faithful to-day, tomorrow, and every day." (Journal of Discourses 4:329) (Heber C. Kimball

My take on this quote is that it at most speaks of a series of probations, namely pre-exitence, mortality, and the spirit world. Saying that this describes a cycle of possibly endless mortal probations is a stretch that would impress plastic man.

So, in response to Geoff's indirect challenge, I would like to offer my model and compare it to his. My model can be simply outlined like this:

Preexistence
Creation and Fall
Mortality
Death
Spirit World
Judgment and Resurrection
Degrees of Salvation

Now many of you might be saying, 'Hold on there Eric. We know you are this wild and crrrrrazy guy, but this is going to far. You are thinking way outside the box here. You're making my head spin. Where do you come up with this stuff?' Okay, so I'm feeling a little sarcastic today. Of course this isn't my model. This is known as the Plan of Salvation. Perhaps you have heard of it. It is outlined in the new Preach My Gospel Book that the missionaries use on page 54, so it is pretty official.

Geoff would characterize this plan as the 'My Turn on Earth' model. Again a bit misleading. He could just as well call this plan the Plan of Salvation as taught by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. But the My Turn on Earth model is so much easier to dismiss because of the juvenile and commercial image it brings. So removing the terms Geoff chooses to use I would like to compare reincarnation to the Plan of Salvation.

One of the area's Geoff questions in the plan of salvation is what to do with the idea of God creating previous inhabited worlds. Who inhabited these worlds? Geoff speculates that we inhabited these worlds during a previous mortal probation. Apparently future inhabited worlds will also be inhabited by us during a future mortal probation.

What does the plan of salvation say of these inhabited worlds? Well nothing directly. It appears to me the most reasonable assumption would be that these inhabitants would be our spiritual brothers and sisters. Geoffs natural response might be - why split us up? Perhaps there is wisdom in limiting the number of people and duration of a world - I don't know. But spiritual siblings inhabiting these planets is a reasonable answer. Whether it is complete or true, it is reasonable.

Another one of Geoffs objections has to do with a permanent final judgment which may result in being assigned to a lower degree of glory than the Celestial Kingdom. His objection seems to be two fold, that God will make a mistake and assign someone to a lower kingdom who would have qualified for a higher degree of salvation if only given more time and opportunities, and what do you do with all these people? Geoff suggests an infinite number of penal colony planets where these exiled souls will dwell in misery with other reprobates for all eternity with no death.

In Geoffs version of reincarnation, those who are not exalted will be sent to planet after planet with a new mortal body. This process of probation after probation would continue on and on until the soul was either exalted or destroyed both body and spirit to be recycled as new intelligences. There would be no lower kingdoms per se. Geoff appears to believe that free will and time will lead someone eventually to exaltation or eternal extinction. This seems an odd result for someone who loves free will as much as Geoff. Freedom of choice and equality do not go together. In a free economy, there is a wide range of financial results mainly based on the desires, abilities and choices of those who participate. Would it not be the same in eternal things? Would not some souls choose to be average? Or above-average? Would God not allow that to be? Why force exaltation or extinction as end results?

Geoff is fond of insulting those who disagree with his theories as being deceived by creedal christianity. Perhaps turnabout is fair play. But is this result not right down creedal Christianity's alley? Heaven or Hell. 100% or 0%. Does this view not rob the beauty of revealed truth regarding degrees of salvation based on the choices of those who chose to participate?

The Doctrine and Covenants describes the Telestial Kingdom as being beyond all understanding. Brigham Young said it was beyond anything that John Wesley ever imagined (Discourses 391). The Telestial Kingdom is salvation. It is a degree of glory. And there of course is room for stars that differ in light from each other. Perhaps there is a wide range of glory that has been described in the revelations in a simplified way. Perhaps the separation and distinction between kingdoms is much less than we realize. But simply viewing the Telestial Kingdom as being somewhat better than an isolated penal colony planet is a significant answer to Geoffs objection.

I guess I answered the second part first. Oh well, the first shall be last and the last shall be first. Geoff wonders if God would close the doors of exaltation on someone who would then later on repent, change, and eventually qualify for a promotion following the final judgment. Answering this is easy for some, hard for others. Those like me who view God as having perfect judgment are willing to put complete faith in this judgment secure in the belief that God will not make any mistakes there. That those who would qualify have qualified, and those who don't never will. Those who do not trust that God is capable of such perfect judgment would not be comfortable with this. The answer that God is capable of perfect judgment after the pre-exist end, mortality, and spirit world, and perhaps the experience of Jesus in the Garden (Mosiah 3) is a reasonable answer to this problem. Is God capable of perfect judgment or not?

Now a prediction. Geoff will not be swayed in the least by any of this. He will continue to claim that no model addresses these issues as well as his version of reincarnation. Perhaps he is really on to something. Perhaps he is just being stubborn. I'm sure that I am not in the least qualified to speak on this important topic. If I have screwed things up or been unfair let me know the error of my ways. But just because Geoff will dismiss all of this does not mean that there are not reasonable answers to his questions.

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'Brother' and 'Sister' as a Title

I was born and raised in the church in an area that was nearly 100% Mormons. I grew up with the idea that we always called adults 'Borther' or 'Sister' so-and-so whenever we talked with or referred to them. I assumed that this was simply an acknowledgment of the fact that we have a belief in everyone being spiritual children of God, and that therefore we are all spiritual siblings. I felt that the only reason we might not call an adult who was not a member of our church 'Brother' or 'Sister' is because they wouldn't understand it, and we wouldn't want to look odd.


While I was on my mission I observed that the other missionaries would withhold the title of 'Brother' or 'Sister' from their investigators when referring to them to local members. It was not until after they were baptized that the missionaries and the members started in with the whole brother and sister thing.

Is this just being stingy? Not allowing someone new into our club until they have passed some initiation ritual? In a way perhaps it is. A type of club membership where a ritual is required prior to being accepted. There is a scripture that I feel addresses this.

And now, because of the covenant which ye have made ye shall be called the children of Christ, his sons, and his daughters; for behold, this day he hath spiritually begotten you; for you say that your hearts are changed through faith on his name; therefore, ye are born of him and have become his sons and his daughters. (Mosiah 5:7)

Does this address the issue? It does not appear that King Benjamin was specifically talking about baptism, but I believe it applies to the covenant made at baptism very well.

We believe that all of us are spiritual brothers and sisters, being children of God, regardless of our religious beliefs. But once we enter into a covenant in the spirit of what King Benjamin was talking about, we become spiritually begotten sons and daughters of God. And then receive the title of 'Brother' and 'Sister'.

I like this custom of the church. To me it teaches a respect for those who have made and kept covenants. It also is a way of teaching children respect for adults. Kind of a ma'am and sir type of thing. I hope as we respectfully refer to each other by the honorable titles of 'Brother' and 'Sister' that we will think about why these titles are significant and meaningful.

I wonder, however, about what people who are not members of the church might think of this title we use? Do some feel left out about not being given the same respectful title? Should we not be so stingy with it?

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What's in a Nickname?

I have always had a kind of fondness for nicknames. To me they often seem like a term of endearment, and if you are a fun and socially accepted person, I figure you probably have had some kind of nickname at some point in your life. Most of my life has been spent without a nickname. Just plain old Eric.


My sisters would call me Erk once in a while (pronounced like and synonimous with irk). This was a little less than endearing however. When I was in the band I picked up the nickname of OOOOOT. This is a bit of a long and stupid story, so I will spare you of it. But a Tenor Saxaphone player in a Jazz band almost has to have some nickname.

A group of people from work put together a pickup softball game last weekend. It was organized as an old guys against the young guys game. A quick glance at my profile will reveal that I am 39 and thus squarely on the old guys team. The people who organized this thing decided that everyone who was on the rosters should have a nickname. So they wrote down all the known nicknames, and assigned nicknames to the rest.

There may be those of you who think you know me fairly well through this blog thing. Any guesses at what nickname my co-workers came up with for me?

Well, they came up with Eric 'No-Nonsense' Nielson.

No-Nonsense?! This is right up there with No-Fun Francis isn't it?

So what's in a nickname? Why No-Nonsense? Is it because I am a rare Mormon in Michigan who is known not to drink or smoke? Bit of a 'goody two-shoes' thing? I also wonder if it is because I take my job somewhat seriously, and as an occational project manager I am often pushing things to make schedule.

I told my wife about my nickname and she observed that No-Nonsense is a brand of panty-hose. Great. Eric 'Panty-Hose' Nielson. That's just what I need.

So does 'No-Nonsense' fit me as a nickname? Are nicknames a good thing? What nicknames have you had?

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